Sometimes she forgets that she started a project therefore she can’t finish that project.

Yes, she started a blog to tell the world all her many (mostly boring, but sometimes fantastic if you stick around long enough) stories! She even went as far as creating a first post. As quickly as she was inspired to start a blog, though, she was just as quick to forget it existed. She knows that her lapse of memory is greatly influenced by a combination of anxiety, depression, and generalized apathy toward the existence of everything. Coincidentally, that apathy is both separate from and in conjunction with the aforementioned other two components. She was acutely apathetic from a pretty young age. Thanks to her developed and gradually worsening anxiety and depression, that apathy became chronic.

She apologizes ahead of time if there are long gaps in between posts. Understand that she strives to care, but sometimes she can’t be bothered to put that much energy into it. She’s human. She is a fallible woman with a rundown eraser who will never even remotely be on the cusp of perfection. That’s some Shakespeare shit right there! Dig it?

Anyway, she was thinking about Christmas the other day. Specifically, Christmas during her childhood. She knows what you’re thinking! Christmas? In April? Yes, well, she can’t help what her brain chooses to focus on sometimes. So, Christmas it is. As she was sitting there thinking about Christmas when she was younger, she recalled a few key memories.

One, she found herself thinking about living in western Pennsylvania during the winter season. When it would snow there it was a white, sparkly blanket. Somehow it was always prettier at night. More magical. To her it looked like diamonds just strewn across the yard. She loved when it snowed and the neighbor’s old-fashioned Christmas lights used to reflect off it. She could watch the snow and those lights for hours. Back then, she was very captivated by anything that sparkled or glittered. That sort of captivation would actually stay with her until she was in her mid-twenties. Not to kill the nostalgic buzz, but she does wonder why she stopped looking for the beauty in the world.

Two, that one time she tried to build a fort under the Christmas tree. The tree was positioned in the corner and that corner combined with those lights and ornaments were far too tempting for her young brain to dismiss. So, she tried to bring herself and whatever she could to that corner. When the tree fell over and her father started yelling, she remembered how she took off running upstairs and snorted because did she really think anyone would be fooled into thinking she didn’t do it? She couldn’t even blame her two older sisters because they weren’t there at the time of the attempted murder of the tree!

Three, she realized that she really does prefer giving presents instead of receiving them. Not that she isn’t grateful for all the people in her life that want to give her presents at that time of year, but does she really need another blanket that doesn’t quite cover her when she is laying down? She has turned into a back sleeper (mostly because any other position hurts her lower back) and either her arms are going to be cold or her feet. It’s like her family wants part icicle for a family member! Every November when the holiday season starts to be in full swing (I’m being generous. Usually the Christmas stuff starts to appear in September now.), she really wants to tell everyone to refrain from buying her anything. Younger her would be appalled because younger her wanted to have all the things. Older her, though, ain’t about that life. That short blanket, Bath and Body Works gift card life.

Lastly, she was a little miffed at the absence of A Charlie Brown Christmas. Try as she might to catch it on television, it is either not aired on live tv anymore or her timing is just that awful. The part that irritates her the most is, apparently, she can’t watch it anywhere but Apple TV. Seriously? She was convinced by her family that having an Apple iPhone was the best option so she dropped Android like a bad habit. Whenever she goes into T-Mobile, they always try to talk her into getting an iPad. Her sister has sang the many songs of having a MacBook. (She will not sacrifice function for style. Just look at the way she dresses!). Now Apple has hijacked a small portion of her Christmas childhood tradition. Can she find Charlie Brown on YouTube? They would have you believe, yes, but it’s just a ploy to get her to click on their videos. Can she rent it from Amazon? Let’s check in with Bezos.

Bamboozled! No, Chuck, she does not want to invest in Apple TV to watch just one thing! She already used her allotted free trial and she thinks they’ll catch on eventually if she creates numerous throw-away emails every December especially if they ask for debit or credit card information in order to access said free trial. Thanks for nothing, Apple. She purchased your damn over-priced phone. She thinks you can spare Snoopy!

So, what color blanket should she ask Santa to bring her for Christmas this year?

“Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”
—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

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