At some point in my years on this earth, I established rules I didn’t realize I was establishing, and I follow them to a fault. I was alerted to this fact one night in the recent past, when I attempted to stray from the rules only to hit a wall.

All I can say is, I trained myself really well to be a stickler for some random (read: sometimes unreasonable) rules.

Let me highlight 5 of them for you!

And in no particular order, thank you very much!

If I planned something with another person (or group) where there is a schedule we agreed upon, there can’t be any deviation from what was scheduled

Listen, this isn’t going to happen too often. First, I prefer solitary activities. Second, most people I know don’t prefer to plan; they prefer to do things all willy-nilly. On the off chance that you have gotten me out of my house to an event, and we have agreed on what we are going to do and when we are going to do it, specifically, so we have time to get as much in as we can? You can’t be deviating from the schedule! The fact that I would not be at home (and probably in an unfamiliar place/situation) fills me with anxiety to begin with. Having a schedule is a safety net. Now, this rule does not extend to hanging out with friends and family in a low-stress environment. This is very specific to an extended period of ‘not at home’.

An extension of the first rule, if I write it down in my planner, it has to be completed for the day I wrote it down, or I’m going to get stressed out.

Because my depression yo-yos something fierce, I have taken to keeping a daily planner. There are a number of reasons for this. One, it helps to maintain some semblance of work-life balance. Two, depression and the feeling of failure tend to go hand-in-hand. So, I like having activities (even if it’s just to check off that I fucking brushed my teeth for the day) to cross off. It makes me feel that I’ve accomplished something. Even if that ‘something’ is small. However, that has turned into some unspoken rule that I need to get absolutely everything I wrote down completed before I fall asleep. It’s a different form of anxiety. I’ve been trying to do better about not stressing out when there are one or two items I wasn’t able to complete. I am a work in progress!

In order to be able to read, I need to hold/play with a pen

One thing a lot of people would be surprised to learn about me is my obsession with pens. I am constantly in search of one that fits my grip perfectly! I feel like the more sparkle in the ink, the better. I have had people purposely guide me away from that aisle in any store because I will stop and throw a few packages of pens into the cart. What I didn’t realize was that I had trained myself to read only while holding and playing with a pen. Like, how? I usually don’t take notes when I’m reading. I don’t annotate too often either! I became aware of this inability to read without a pen when I tried to read without one in my hand the other day. I guess having my hand occupied helps me concentrate.

I need to have YouTube playing in order to fall asleep

I’ve always been the type of person who needs the television on in order to sleep. Specifically, the television. I’ve tried falling asleep to the radio or my playlist and have been jumpscared from sleep by one stray, too-loud note too many. Through the years, I’ve stopped watching cable in favor of YouTube’s content. So now I need to have a familiar voice while I’m sleeping. Markiplier. Cartoonz. JordalineReads. The Boys Gaming. GabbyReads. Basically, any gamer, booktuber, reaction youtuber. If I try to switch over to reruns on cable/streaming, a movie, talk show, etc., it’s a no-go. I will sit and stare at the ceiling, regretting every life choice I’ve ever made. Because I’m me, and of course that’s what I would do!

If we are going to watch a movie together, you absolutely cannot fall asleep

I know this is unreasonable. Here’s the thing, though. I tend to watch movies alone because my type of movie is decidedly not other people’s type. I’ve gotten used to being told I’m weird for liking horror movies, cult classics, movie musicals, etc. I very rarely approach someone and ask them if they want to watch a movie with me. I’m much more likely to ask for a recommendation if I want to branch out from my norm. If I am going to watch a movie with someone else, it’s probably because they asked me to. So if you asked me to sit down and spend 1.5 (give or take) hours with you watching a movie, enjoying some snacks, and handing over some of my energy (if you’re an introvert, you already know), imma be pissed if you fall asleep during that movie. And if you snore? Ooooooo… we will not be spending 1.5 (give or take) hours on that specific activity again anytime soon. How very dare you!

Does anyone else have strange, unreasonable, or surprising rules that they created (knowingly or unknowingly) for themselves?

The world would like to know!

Siemelle