Depression does funny things. Which is kind of ironic when you stop and think about it. During my deepest lows, music can either be a salve for my soul or break me down. Both of which are, honestly, cathartic in their own way. When I am having a harder day, surprisingly, it’s not books that I turn to. If I am reading, it’s a good indication that I’m feeling pretty good. I’m opening myself up to different stories, cultures, etc. Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty good most of the time. Great for me! Love that for me! I’m not saying that my depressed state evaporates when I am “all things books”. In fact, my constant need to purchase more books is more than likely one of the signs of what depression looks like in me.

When I am feeling bad? When I stop watching movies for ten years? When I set aside books for months? When I lose interest in that monthly trip over to Barnes and Noble? The one thing I turn to is music. I think we all do for any number of reasons. I tend to turn to music because I’m one of those people who cry too easily when listening to music. Seriously, the first time I went to see The Phantom of the Opera, and the overture started, I started bawling. Beautiful music. Lyrics. A certain tone in an artist’s voice. I completely lose my shit. So when I feel myself falling – and fast – I will often turn to music to aid me on that journey. Crying makes me feel better. There’s some science behind the actual shedding of tears, I read about a long time ago. Something about the release of stress hormones. I won’t bore you more than I already am! Go look it up!

Music. I have theme music. Okay, I have music that, when I am feeling particularly unwell, really should be my theme music. These are the songs that resonate with me. Songs that touch me, speak to me, and make me sit back and think, “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would say this was written just for me.” I could list the songs and go into depth about what they make me feel and why they make me feel anything at all. Instead, I want to give you those songs, share a few lyrics that stand out to me, and let you decide whether to add them to your playlist. Not surprisingly, a few of these songs do come from musicals. You’re welcome!

Lifeboat from Heathers

I float in a boat
In a raging black ocean
Low in the water
With nowhere to go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know

Ghost by Justin Bieber

Youngblood thinks there’s always tomorrow
I need more time, but time can’t be borrowed
I’d leave it all behind if I could follow

Fighter by Christina Aguilera

I heard you’re goin’ ’round
Playin’ the victim now
But don’t even begin feeling I’m the one to blame
‘Cause you dug your own grave

A New Life from Jekyll & Hyde

A new dream –
I have one I know
That very few dream!
I would like to see
That overdue dream –
Even though
It never may come true!

No More from Into the Woods

Running away- we’ll do it.
Why sit around, resigned?
Trouble is, son,
The farther you run,
The more you feel undefined
For what you have left undone
And, more, what you’ve left behind.

What You Own from RENT

So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don’t own emotion — I rent

Believer by Imagine Dragons

I was choking in the crowd
Building my rain up in the cloud
Falling like ashes to the ground
Hoping my feelings, they would drown
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing
Inhibited, limited
Till it broke open and rained down

Unsteady by X Ambassadors

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

I Am What I Am from La Cage Aux Folles

It’s my world that I want to take a little pride in,
My world, and it’s not a place I have to hide in.

Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen

We start with stars in our eyes
We start believing that we belong
But every sun doesn’t rise
And no one tells you where you went wrong

Love.

Siemelle