She sat for about an hour trying to decide what to post about today, but could think of nothing worthy of conveying to the masses. Again, the state of her emotional decay can be to blame for this lack of brilliance and wordsmithery. Instead, she will embark upon the task of answering the questions that need – no, demand – an answer.
There is no easy answer to this question. If you are a believer in the concept of “girl dinner” then you know that she would want something from each of the above pictured and to be left alone in the dark with only a blanket and a good horror movie to keep her company. The truth is, her favorite type of food changes by the hour therefore her favorite restaurant changes as frequently. If asked to choose for fear of repercussion? Locally, her favorite place caters to hot dog lovers with an adventurous side. While her desire to remain anonymous will not have her write this restaurant’s name, just know that she has had some interesting toppings for her hot dogs from said restaurant. Potato salad. Baked Beans. French fries Pittsburgh style. Coleslaw. And in various combinations!
However, if you are asking what her favorite nationally recognized restaurant is?
Sometimes she forgets that she started a project therefore she can’t finish that project.
Yes, she started a blog to tell the world all her many (mostly boring, but sometimes fantastic if you stick around long enough) stories! She even went as far as creating a first post. As quickly as she was inspired to start a blog, though, she was just as quick to forget it existed. She knows that her lapse of memory is greatly influenced by a combination of anxiety, depression, and generalized apathy toward the existence of everything. Coincidentally, that apathy is both separate from and in conjunction with the aforementioned other two components. She was acutely apathetic from a pretty young age. Thanks to her developed and gradually worsening anxiety and depression, that apathy became chronic.
She apologizes ahead of time if there are long gaps in between posts. Understand that she strives to care, but sometimes she can’t be bothered to put that much energy into it. She’s human. She is a fallible woman with a rundown eraser who will never even remotely be on the cusp of perfection. That’s some Shakespeare shit right there! Dig it?
Anyway, she was thinking about Christmas the other day. Specifically, Christmas during her childhood. She knows what you’re thinking! Christmas? In April? Yes, well, she can’t help what her brain chooses to focus on sometimes. So, Christmas it is. As she was sitting there thinking about Christmas when she was younger, she recalled a few key memories.
One, she found herself thinking about living in western Pennsylvania during the winter season. When it would snow there it was a white, sparkly blanket. Somehow it was always prettier at night. More magical. To her it looked like diamonds just strewn across the yard. She loved when it snowed and the neighbor’s old-fashioned Christmas lights used to reflect off it. She could watch the snow and those lights for hours. Back then, she was very captivated by anything that sparkled or glittered. That sort of captivation would actually stay with her until she was in her mid-twenties. Not to kill the nostalgic buzz, but she does wonder why she stopped looking for the beauty in the world.
Two, that one time she tried to build a fort under the Christmas tree. The tree was positioned in the corner and that corner combined with those lights and ornaments were far too tempting for her young brain to dismiss. So, she tried to bring herself and whatever she could to that corner. When the tree fell over and her father started yelling, she remembered how she took off running upstairs and snorted because did she really think anyone would be fooled into thinking she didn’t do it? She couldn’t even blame her two older sisters because they weren’t there at the time of the attempted murder of the tree!
Three, she realized that she really does prefer giving presents instead of receiving them. Not that she isn’t grateful for all the people in her life that want to give her presents at that time of year, but does she really need another blanket that doesn’t quite cover her when she is laying down? She has turned into a back sleeper (mostly because any other position hurts her lower back) and either her arms are going to be cold or her feet. It’s like her family wants part icicle for a family member! Every November when the holiday season starts to be in full swing (I’m being generous. Usually the Christmas stuff starts to appear in September now.), she really wants to tell everyone to refrain from buying her anything. Younger her would be appalled because younger her wanted to have all the things. Older her, though, ain’t about that life. That short blanket, Bath and Body Works gift card life.
Lastly, she was a little miffed at the absence of A Charlie Brown Christmas. Try as she might to catch it on television, it is either not aired on live tv anymore or her timing is just that awful. The part that irritates her the most is, apparently, she can’t watch it anywhere but Apple TV. Seriously? She was convinced by her family that having an Apple iPhone was the best option so she dropped Android like a bad habit. Whenever she goes into T-Mobile, they always try to talk her into getting an iPad. Her sister has sang the many songs of having a MacBook. (She will not sacrifice function for style. Just look at the way she dresses!). Now Apple has hijacked a small portion of her Christmas childhood tradition. Can she find Charlie Brown on YouTube? They would have you believe, yes, but it’s just a ploy to get her to click on their videos. Can she rent it from Amazon? Let’s check in with Bezos.
An actual snippet from my Amazon account.
Bamboozled! No, Chuck, she does not want to invest in Apple TV to watch just one thing! She already used her allotted free trial and she thinks they’ll catch on eventually if she creates numerous throw-away emails every December especially if they ask for debit or credit card information in order to access said free trial. Thanks for nothing, Apple. She purchased your damn over-priced phone. She thinks you can spare Snoopy!
Actual picture of her wailing. (J/K – Image borrowed from here.)
So, what color blanket should she ask Santa to bring her for Christmas this year?
“Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day
Once upon a time there was a girl with big dreams. When she says big, she means big. Gargantuan. Titanic. We’re talking Broadway bound, New York Times Bestseller (because apparently all books from every author make that cut), walking the red carpet next to Taylor Swift big. So, yeah, big. Her story starts in Pennsylvania in the early 1980s when she was born and, if you know how time works, follows her all the way to the year 2024 where she lives, but not necessarily thrives, in Florida.
She has to warn you that, from here, not every story she has to tell is happy or nice. She would also like to warn you that everyone has their own brand of crazy and her existence is no different! She will always do her best to let her readers know when she is about to delve into the “why am I on this ride and how do I get off?” portions of the story. That way you can decide for yourselves whether or not you want to stand under whatever storm cloud is hovering over her head that day.
But please understand that it’s not only going to be doom and gloom as drawn to the darker side of life as she might be. Our dear author does, on occasion, like to be a complete goofball. A comedienne of fantastic proportions and unbeatable wit! Big. Gargantuan. Titanic. You get the picture! In other words, she wanted to share parts of her story, her humor, and darkness because she knows there are other women out there just like her. Women who wear a grown up’s body but, somehow, are still convinced they started their freshman year in high school just last week when, in reality, it’s been way more than ten years ago.
She will touch upon everything and anything from that time she was in a blockbuster movie the summer of 2004 to that time she completed a 10-question essay test in Sociology class, skipped one of the 10-point questions because she was clueless, and the professor was so impressed with her honesty when she brought it to his attention (because he gave her 100% when it should have been 90%), that he let her have the 100% anyway! (And she is still not 100% convinced that anyone should be that honest all the time!). For instance, one of the scenarios in this paragraph is absolutely a lie! If you say it’s the blockbuster scenario, you may be correct, but you can’t be both correct and my friend so…..here we are.
In closing (because she always wanted to end something that way), she will count the many ways that she’s just pretending to be a grown up. She’s a fauxn up! When she came up with the term in her head, it sounded good at the time so just roll with it, why don’t ya? Anyway, stick out around and, please, feel free to share your own crazy stories with her!
All Fauxn Up 